One of the earliest posts on the old blog (I seem to be starting every post with a throwback of sorts) was titled “The Mystifying Effects of Bananas” and was about what I like to jokingly call banana attacks.
My family and I have a theory that I am slightly potassium deficient. Every time I eat a banana after not eating bananas for a while, weird things start to happen. I zone out while sort of half-realizing that that’s what I’m doing. I have a weird thick stomachache. I often feel dazed or like I’m experiencing deja vu. I also tend to remember dreams, particularly ones that relate to whatever I’m doing when I have this banana attack. I don’t want to call it an out-of-body experience, because I continue to function, but everything feels really weird for a few minutes.
I had one today.
I’ve been helping coach a big group of beginner kids with our local swim team for the last couple of days. Today we had a break partway through practice to talk about nutrition. I grabbed a banana. It was freezing cold in the water so I told the coach I’m assisting that I’d prefer not to get back in, and I stood on the side in my sweats and coached the kids in flip turns and ate my banana. And I started to have this banana attack, and everything felt really weird, as usual. I’m never sure how long these last. It feels very long, but that doesn’t mean anything. And as I said, I always continue to function while I’m doing this. Sometimes it becomes hard to concentrate, particularly when I’m doing something I have to be mentally engaged in, like coaching little kids on flip turns.
Oddly enough I have these very often while I’m doing something swim-related. I don’t usually have these when I eat a banana for breakfast, or when I don’t eat the whole banana. But more than once it’s happened while at a pool for something swim-related.
Anyway, as this banana attack was subsiding I started to feel absolutely incredible. Maybe it’s because the sun was coming out and it was warming up, maybe because the kids were really making progress (side note: it is so fun to help kids learn stuff; I guess I’m more a teacher’s kid than I realize), who knows, but I started to feel amazing and wonderful and, weirdly, cleansed, which I don’t remember happening with banana attacks before. I felt healed. New. Flawless. Happy. Free, free of Matt-related inhibitions and emotional hangups, free of worry and discontent, free of nearly everything. I just felt this overwhelming satisfaction with who I was and what I was doing. I was glad, I was happy. It was like coming out of Kansas yet again, as I wrote in my Things Learned list about senior year. It felt like I felt most of my junior year, this brisk, efficient cheerfulness toward Life, the Universe and Everything, as Douglas Adams might term it. I think I felt this way when Doug stopped being a presence on my emotional conscience. Which would signal the same thing happening as far as Matt is concerned.
And for the first time in long enough I know for a fact that I am okay. Not than I’m going to be. I am.