That Is The Question

When I went up to Boise yesterday with my awesome friends Derek and Montana, I bought a book – a beautiful book – a Complete Works of Shakespeare that is not falling apart, unlike my mother’s ratty green one that she got from her mother. And I’ve been reading it. Although I haven’t gotten to Hamlet yet, I’m going to use the famous line therefrom to explain what this post is about. To approach the ex-boyfriend, or not to approach the ex-boyfriend; that is the question.

Recent events have put my ex-boyfriend (of drop-in-your-lap opportunity fame) back on the radar. The capsule version is this: his best friend Tanner breaks up with my best friend Hannah. The ex-boyfriend, Matt, texts me asking if Hannah is staying with me (she had been previously staying with Tanner) because she’d declined his offer of a place to stay. I tell him no, and then head for Twitter and post a series of very angry, four-letterish tweets about how I think Matt making the offer is out of line. (I’m not going to try to decide if I was right about that right now.)

Later on, Tanner sees all these tweets and thinks they refer to him. He shows Matt, who realizes who they are about. Matt goes to my good friend Derek. Here we pause.

Exactly one week later, I post “Breakup Techniques,” with the big puddle of forgiveness-related philosophy at the bottom of it. Derek reads it. Then he sends me a great wall of a text message, telling me about the conversation with Matt he’d had a week earlier. Now Derek is prone to exaggeration, I think, but here is what I gathered. What I said on Twitter demonstrated for Matt a great deal of anger/hate/ negative emotions. Coming from me. Directed toward him. So he contacted Derek wanting to know if there were any way to eradicate all that. Derek’s response was time.

There was other information, but it’s not necessary. This particular tidbit, however, made me realize that perhaps I owe him an apology, and may need to contact him to tell him so. I’m still not sure if contact would be welcome. Derek pointed out that one facet of Matt’s modi operandi (is that even correct?) is that he does not like to go back to feelings he’s already made decisions about. But I may ignore that fact.

So I’m thinking that if I do decide to go through with this, I make it a very noncommittal approach (or at least as much so as it can be under the circumstances). “Derek told me you have some things to say to me. If that’s still true, I’m ready to listen. I have some things I’d like to say to you too.” But it’s not a final decision. So here we have pros and cons.


1. I can try to explain myself better.

2. So can he.

3. I can apologize for my display of anger (although technically he should never have seen it, but he wouldn’t have seen it if I hadn’t tweeted it, so fault does technically fall with me) and get that off my conscience.

4. We can both stop hating each other. Or at least try.

5. I can walk away feeling like I’ve really truly forgiven him, as I said in “Breakup Techniques.”

6. I won’t have to wonder what would happen if I had. Neither would he, if this is on his mind, though I rather doubt it.


1. I may get rejected and served the line “I don’t want to talk to you,” which I have dished out before and should probably be prepared to take, but it’s still going to hurt.

2. We might walk away feeling more frustrated and hating each other more than before.


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