Rules for Texting Your Ex-Boyfriend

1. You are not guaranteed nor owed a response, no matter how much you feel entitled to one. He’s a human being too, and he can be unpredictable and complex. Let him be.

2. Neutrality or death. Basically.

3. Find something to distract you after hitting send. Learn how to give a diabetic dog his shots. Clean your room. Play through an entire Broadway musical on the piano. Whatever works, really.

4. Make sure the friends of your right hand know you are doing this; you will need them.

5. Do not get angry. That is not what this is about.

6. Deep breaths, as deep as you can make them.

7. DON’T PANIC! in large friendly letters. Let that make you smile.

8. Remember why you are doing this, and do not be defensive. Or a wimp. Stay upright.

9. Reach out with open hands.

I think that’s enough.

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