A Song I Fell in Love With Recently

It’s called “This Guy’s in Love With You.”

(Originally sung by Herb Alpert in the 60s or 70s, I’ve no idea which.)

Anyway, it’s got a fantastic sound and even better words. Go YouTube it. I’ve been listening to it on repeat for the last 425 words. (I was writing a German essay.)

I first heard it in the summer of 2011 at my cousin’s wedding, and thought it was positively fabulous. Most of my relatives were pretty enthusiastic about it also. We loved the song, thought it was appropriate for our happy couple, and then we all drove home to Minneapolis and forgot about it, or at least I did.

This week in my allotted time of fangirl Internet fun, I came across a very sweet interview with Matt Smith early this year. (Interestingly enough, the words “If I ever shaved my head” were used.) It’s pretty adorable – he says love feels “fuzzy,” that he is extraordinarily clumsy and that his favorite word is “snuggle.” But he was also asked which song he would want played at his funeral, and then he answered with this.

“I don’t want to think that far ahead, but a song I like is Herb Alpert’s This Guy’s In Love With You. Let’s pretend it’s going to be played at my wedding instead.” (The Guardian, 29 March 2013)

I would dance at anyone’s wedding to this song, even if I hated them. It’s such a lovely song. Part dramatic, part tender, part sweet, part passionate – just ah.

I’ve kind of been thinking – I do that way too much, of course, but I can’t seem to stop.

There’s this guy I’ve met here at college named Jake, and all the complexities of Jake are too much for a blog post that isn’t solely devoted to the complexities of Jake (and that’s if I ever figure any of them out, which I may not). The point being, I basically friendzoned Jake, and Jake is already messed up. His favorite thing to talk about is possible reasons for his lack of girlfriend and/or constant friendzonedness. Complexities of my (non-) relationship with Jake aside, it got me thinking about friendzoning and how a darn loud chunk of straight male humanity likes to whine about being friendzoned.

What you see a lot is girls who have “guy best friends” (and I hate that term because it’s sexist – they’re your best friend regardless of sex!) whom they have friendzoned, and then they turn around and complain about not finding their guy, or a guy. And guys (usually the friendzoned ones) like to complain that if she would only unfriendzone them she would have a boyfriend. They get quite vehement.

I hate this for several reasons, but aside from not liking people who complain or people who say, “If you do such-and-such I’ll love you forever,” the guys are failing to notice something. (For fairness purposes, let’s assume this can be applied in the reverse as well, but I will stick to my terms for consistency of reference.) If the girl only unfriendzoned the guy because she wanted a boyfriend, you would have problems. Getting into a relationship because you want a relationship is the wrong way to go about it. Trust me. I know. I’ve been there.

It has to be about the person. You have to get into a relationship because you want one with that person. Remember the ice cream sundae theory (which quite impressed Jake, incidentally). There has to be ice cream, and toppings are always extremely helpful, and cherries are nice. But you can’t just see a sundae dish and grab it. (I love extensive metaphors.) Anything could be in that – you don’t know if you’ll enjoy it.

That’s the problem with the guys hoping desperately to be unfriendzoned. What if she did go out with you, without really liking you? It’s the same thing we girls all told each other in middle school and never believed: “If he doesn’t want to be with you, he doesn’t deserve you.” Deserve isn’t necessarily the most accurate word, but seriously. If a person doesn’t appreciate you, you would never be happy with them. If you want a relationship only so you can marvel at the other person, something tells me you are somehow capable of unconditional love, which is very difficult to achieve – particularly in romance. Why would you not want to bring something to a relationship?

Basically, they’re asking for the wrong reasons. What you should always ask of someone is, “Be with me because I, to you, am marvelous – not because you are tired of being alone.”

Because however long you are alone, it will always be worth it when you find yourself with someone you think is marvelous, marveling back at you. Nothing is more beautiful than two people utterly in awe of each other, I think.

By the way, that translation paper I posted a few weeks ago? I got an A.

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