So here are some things.
-I still have that historic B in German;
-I got a 73 on the economics midterm and now have a 76 in the class.
Here are some other things.
-I finished the Build-an-App project in World of Business (so yes, I now have an app on the Windows App Store if anyone ever ventures there);
-I took my stats midterm this morning and it actually felt pretty good;
-I have no homework for the weekend (which is good because it’s gonna be busy);
-I am in the best general mood since I don’t know when;
-I did some writing (okay, ten lines-ish) tonight;
-I finally feel mentally capable of writing a very important letter that I’ve been putting off because of midterms and scaredy-cat-itude.
In short, I have managed to pull myself out of my funk. I really do feel pretty good. Except for the bit where my roommate won’t get out of the shower.
I just have to pour myself into everything, is all.
Many, many times when I was younger, I would freak out about not being able to do such and such a thing, whatever it was (math and sports, usually), and after some tears and explosions my dad would repeat some variation on “All we’re asking is that you do your best.”
Which sounds tacky, but you’ve no idea how comforting that sounds. I think he said it once about first-year algebra, which I think I did get a C in, and I definitely got a C in geometry and he said the same thing then. The disconnect lies in that he hasn’t been here to tell me that when I get freaked out, and I’ve been forgetting to tell myself.
So despite my C in economics, even despite the fact that it’s a C in honors economics, I am just going to do my level best to do the readings after this and not fail things, and if I still get a C then I’ll be mad for a while and then pluck up and move on. Even if I don’t get admitted to the College of Business, I’ll be mad for a while and then pluck up and move on. As I have said so many times, the system will not stand in my way, but this time, a small addendum: the system will not stand in the way of my happiness. If I fail to work the system, I will still find a way to be happy.