today i am.

Today I am afraid that no one will ever like my face enough to kiss it, and I will live my life constantly muttering under my breath that “there is a lot of love inside of me that no one is using.”

Today I am afraid that I am prickly and too quiet and not nice, and that people are afraid to talk to me because they think I dislike them or they are genuinely put off by my standoffishness.

Today I am afraid that I am going to ruin my own body by the way I eat and that I will have to live with it.

Today I am afraid that I will be lonely all my life because of fear and insecurity.

Today I am afraid that I will never be able to play the piano as fast as everyone at the church wants me to and I am afraid that I will never be good enough.

Today I am afraid for the health of the people I love, and for myself because I cannot talk about it.

Today I am afraid that I am wasting precious time by sitting here typing and crying.

Today I am afraid that I am too harsh with myself because I think I am wasting precious time by sitting here typing and crying.

Today I am afraid that I will not be able to sleep tonight.

Today I am afraid that if I cannot sleep tonight I will do a crappy job playing in the morning and it will be horrible and embarrassing.

Today I am afraid that my friends will grow away from me eventually.

Today I am afraid that I will have to branch away from them.

Today I am afraid that my best will not be good enough.

Today I am afraid that people will look at me and say, “Of course that’s not good enough, because I know that’s not your best.”

Today I am afraid that I have lied all my life about what I am capable of.

Today I am afraid that I have not lied all my life, but am beginning to lie because I am becoming less capable of things (cough piano).

Today I am afraid that I need more space and time to myself to function properly than I used to.

Today I am angry at myself because I seem to think I should be worried because I need something I didn’t used to need.

This won’t have a dramatic inspirational ending because I don’t have one.

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