on being the weird one.

I hate stalking my cousins’ Instagram accounts.

Is it okay to think my family is too pretty, too full of white sheep for me to fit in?

Does everybody feel like this?

I don’t know.

I look at them, a couple in particular, with their lovely adorable girlfriends and their classy internships and beautiful nature pictures of their Minnesota homes and I feel very not good enough.

I mean, I live in Sweden. I live in a very beautiful place. I ride a bike and a bus and go to school on a beautiful campus and read a lot of books and cook my own meals and I could easily make my Instagram very pretty.

I don’t, because it’s not a priority. It’s not a commitment I care about.

I mean, I am just as cool as my cousins. I’m getting two degrees, I’ve lived in a different country ON MY OWN, I work every year at a summer camp, and I have a solid and delightful relationship with my boyfriend, who is just as awesome as my cousins’ girlfriends.

But I also spend too much time watching weird YouTubers and I set aside my junior year of college to go on a wild jaunt to another continent and I spend my summers teaching Swedish to rich suburban kids and working alongside people whose politics make my grandmother shake her head and click her tongue, and my boyfriend doesn’t have a testimony of the Gospel and we don’t go on dates to hockey games or bet on horse races together.

I don’t know why I struggle with that so much. GAH.

 

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